Excerpts From: The Messenger |
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Forgiveness is the heart of the salvation story and it stretches from Genesis to the book of Revelation. Forgiveness was the core message of Jesus' ministry on earth. This is the Character of God.
The greatest asset I have discovered on my Christian journey of forgiveness was from my wife. I made some bad choices, and unwise decisions in our marriage, which really hurt her. Many would have walked out of the relationship without a beat, but she hung in, and her unconditional love, forgiveness and attitude towards me gave me the true sense meaning of GOD’S GRACE. It is difficult to find the right words to describe it. Because we just can’t talk about forgiveness without grace (grace means ‘undeserved’ love of God).
Therefore, I will share a story from the play, ‘Rising in the Sun’ to illustrate this experience. There was a Black family in Harlem who experienced a death. The father passes on and leaves $10,000.00 as a legacy. The son wants the money to start a business with a friend. The mother wants the money to buy a house outside of Harlem, to get away from the ghetto and its’ crimes. Her daughter wants the money to go to college.
Finally the mother gives in to the boy because he says "Look mother, if you let me have the money I will make enough money and help fulfill all your dreams."
But his so-called friend runs off with the money, and the boy has to return home with nothing. Having destroyed everybody’s dreams and crushed everybody’s hopes, his sister tears into him violently and calls him every name you can imagine.
The mother says, “I thought I taught you to love him.” “Love him,” says Beneatha, “There is nothing left in him to love.” The mother says, “There is always something left to love. And if you ain’t learnt that, you ain’t learnt nothing, child. When do you think it is time to love somebody? When he has done good, and made everything wonderful for everybody? That is not the time at all.
The time to love somebody is when he is at his lowest, because the world done whipped him so. When you starts measuring somebody, measure him right, child, measure him right. Make sure you done taken into account what hills and valleys he come through before he got to wherever he is.” Wow !!! This is what grace and forgiveness is all about. The time to love somebody is when he /she does not deserved to be loved.
The temptation to be scorekeepers in our relationships is alive and well for many of us and some are passed on from one generation to the next. Most religious, tribal, and political conflicts around the world at the present time steam from scorekeeping and tally sheets. We carry grudges and we harbour resentments and we tally them up in the hope that the day will come, oh! the day will come when we can "get even ... settle the score."
In order to identify with the Cross of Jesus Christ we must be willing to relinquish the scorekeeper's role and get rid of our tally sheets. Only then can we identify with the crucified Christ and experience his marvelous grace and peace and be set free within.
An unforgiving spirit is:
Retaliating,
Destructive,
Impatient,
Unspiritual,
Proud,
Self-righteous,
Disobedient,
Rebellious-stubborn,
Angry,
Judgemental-critical,
Unforgetting,
Critical spirit, &
Prayerless.
As we come to the end of this topic on forgiveness, I will leave you with some thoughts of the consequences of an unforgiving spirit. I will urge you to prayerfully consider the implications these Scripture texts bring forth:
Loss of power and the sense of presence of God (Eph. 3 :20, 2 Cor. 4 :7, James 3 :14- 18, Matt. 5 :2) Rob ourselves of blessing (1Peter 3 :8-9) Breaks wings of faith and hushes the cry of real prayer. (1 Tim. 2 :8, 2 Tim. 2 :22, Proverbs 28 :9, 1 John 3 :21-22) Brings on ourselves self-inflicted unforgiveness from God (Matt. 5 :7, Matt. 6 :12,14,15, Mark 11 :25, Matt 18 :23-35)
Physical health problems (Prov. 17 :22,18 :14,14 :30,Prov.11 :17,12 :25, Psalms 32,38,39,40,51) Grieves the spirit of God (Eph. 4 :30-32) Causes Satan to get an advantage (2 Cor. 2 :10-11, Eph 4 :22-27) Affects others (Eccles. 9 :18b, Prov. 27 :17) It is most unforgiveable to be unforgiving.
Forgiveness then, is not allowing anything to hinder a relationship.
It isn’t always easy to forgive. Forgiveness is needed most when it is most difficult to give. Forgiveness will cost you love and pride.
Only the offended can forgive. Only the hurt can forgive – because he /she was offended! (Matt 5 :23-24) “And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.” (Col 3:12-15)
A root of bitterness in the heart is usually planted by our getting hurt by someone or by something that was done to us, therefore we hold a grudge against that person. A root also needs to be fed and the problem is that we enjoy feeding our egos and cultivating the bitterness down inside. That root will continue to spring up again and again until the axe of forgiveness exposes the bitter root and pulls it up.
Forgiveness is not forgetting about the hurt, nor is it tolerating the wrong. If we forgive someone who hurt us, does this mean we are saying what he/she did was okay? Absolutely not! Many times forgiveness works to free the victim more than the victimizer. When we forgive, we are saying to God we know that it is His place to discipline and correct the other person.
There is never a time when it is right to abuse or hurt another person. When we forgive someone, we lay down our resentment toward that individual. Forgiveness, however, is resolving to live with the consequences of another's wrong and deciding not to use the past against them. It is a choice not a feeling. The result is emotional freedom for the victim.
So, the bottom line of forgiveness is the fact that God first forgives us. Yes, Jesus is our example. He taught us to forgive so we would be forgiving toward others. When he went to the cross, He took all of our sin, our mistakes, and everything we have done wrong on Himself. We can come to Him at any time or any place and ask him to cleanse us from our sin and fill us with a fresh sense of His love. If we are going to live in victory, we can't forget that at Calvary he released us from the penalty of sin, which was eternal alienation. No matter what we do, we are fully forgiven and forever pardoned.
It doesn’t mean, the message of forgiveness is the freedom to sin again, and again, and again, (God can not be mocked: Galatians 6:7-9), but freedom from the bond of sin so we can experience God’s love and grace in measureless ways. We can't free ourselves, but Christ can free us. He has the power to set us free and fill our lives with hope for the future. He did that for me, and he will do that for every person who comes to Him. This is God's way, and it is the way of eternal love. Just as bitterness produces more bitterness in others, so love begets love.
For all who struggle with forgiving those who wounded them, there is a way out of this bondage. And that's exactly what it is ….. bondage. Your feelings are held hostage by another's behaviour: and this is not where you want to be, nor is it where God wants you. The only way out is through the cross. This means releasing the person. This means releasing the person from our judgment just as Christ freed us from all eternal judgment, and condemnation.
It doesn't mean we are excusing the offender; rather we are choosing to extend the love of Christ to him /her. Forgiveness is a choice!
Easy? Never! How? It's more than prayer; it's a deliberate decision to obey God, who has forgiven us of all wrong. Memories may linger, but the intensity of the pain can and will diminish. The supernatural love of God is especially created for those of us who don't deserve it. The act of forgiveness (a choice, a premeditated decision) releases the perpetrator from another’s judgement and removes any barriers in our relationship to God. Forgiveness is for our healing, and to retain angry, red cinders of enmity is to our detriment. We only burn ourselves and singe our relationship with others.
I conclude with the story from part 1 of this series: Dealing with Vengeance and Grief in Kikuyu tribe of Africa In Africa, the Kikuyu tribe believes that the only way to end grief is to save life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that is called: “ The drowning man trial.”
There is all-night party beside the river, and at dawn, the killer is put in a boat. He is taken out on the water and he is dropped. He is bound so that he cannot swim to escape. The family of the deceased then has to make a choice, to let murderer drown or they can swim out and save him.
The Kikuyu believes that if the family let the killer drown, they will have “Justice,” but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life is not always “Just” that very act can take away their sorrow..…
VENGEANCE IS A LAZY FORM OF GRIEF (Kikuyu tribe of East Africa)
Extending the grace of forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the wounds weren't real or the trespass did not occur. There still may be some distasteful, emotional leftovers for some time. But choosing to forgive is an act of submission to Christ, to whom we have surrendered.
As a pilgrim on earth, we consider the greatness of God's love for us… so great that he sent His Son to die for us, in our place, for our sin. What an incredible gift of forgiveness for us to accept in faith. May we treat others with the same love. This is the character of God.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)
May you continue to experience joy and peace which comes from our risen Lord and Saviour.
Sincerely in Christ,
Pastor Samuel King-Kabu
An invitation – sort of – came last summer. It was just a remark during a telephone conversation with my sister, Mette, that they had now booked the hall for March 31, 2007 and if we should happen to be in Denmark at that time to come to the party. (The party to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary).
Ok, then! At work the next day I booked a week of vacation for “around” March 31, 2007.
So, off we went on March 29th; Nicolas, Geneviève (Nicolas’ girlfriend) and me, destination: Frankfurt and from there the train to Copenhagen. We had four hours in Frankfurt and went for a nice long walk in the area around the train station.
The river Main is only a couple of blocks from the station with parks along the banks. The weather was beautiful and it was good to stretch our legs after the flight from Montreal.
We arrived in Roskilde late that night on March 30th. One of my sisters picked us up and drove us to my mother’s place in Osted, just 15 minutes from Roskilde. We were tired and hungry so we had frikadeller with agurkesalat, potatoes and gravy and then into bed.
The next day (the day of the party) was busy. We had to prepare the flowers for the “æresport” since it had to be put up that same day. The tradition is that the “æresport” is put up the morning of the Silver Anniversary, but their actual anniversary is April 1st and we did not want to get up the next morning (or not go to bed!!) in order to get the “æresport” up and it had to be done in secrecy as well. We did not have much time, but with the help of many hands it was put up and we got to the party in time. We had hoped that my sister and her husband would go to the hall well in advance, but NO! They were so organized that it was not necessary.
We had a wonderful time! Arriving, we were served champagne and the wine flowed from a bottomless bottle all night. The food was heavenly and we danced till early morning. There were many speeches and most of them were interactive. My two sisters had involved all the nieces and nephews and one of their friends had created a song on a roll of cash register tape. The song started with us all being asked to get up and stand in a large circle. The “bride” held the roll and the “groom” passed the end of the tape to the next person and this person to the next, and so on…. We had to sing the words written on the tape as it passed between our hands. The melody was “frère Jacques”. Imagine 80 people singing a canon.
A group of their friends had created new words to “There’s a hole in the Bucket, dear Liza” which the “bride” and “groom” had to sing to each other.
Before they began to sing they had been decked out with veil and top hat. You see, we all got cheated out of a wedding 25 years ago so this was “pay-back” time.
But it was also payback time in a very romantic way. The speech my brother-in-law gave my sister brought tears to our eyes and when he got on his knees and proposed – again – we were doubly touched. My sister was presented with 25 of the longest stemmed roses I have ever seen AND they exchanged rings.
They never got their wedding bands. The rings were made of titanium with a band of gold on the outside symbolizing the future and the past.
After that we all needed coffee and dessert and then we danced to a live band. At midnight the band played “Bryllupsmarchen” and my sister and her husband danced into the day of their wedding anniversary.
What a wonderful way to be together with the whole family. My mother was beaming and simply enjoyed herself. I don’t think she was off the dance floor much. Geneviève met all Nicolas’ cousins and had a really fun evening. Our feet were in pain when we finally arrived home at my mother’s place and all the finery was simply dropped on the floor and we all fell into bed. Even my mother slept in the next morning.
Most of the time we were in Denmark was spent with family and friends. Nicolas and Geneviève went to Copenhagen one day to meet up with Nicolas’ cousins – some of them anyway - and my mother and I went to Holbæk to visit Pia and Knud. They have a very nice apartment in a mostly adult community there. Pia had made lunch with snaps and herring and we had a great visit catching up with news (OK, so gossip) from near and far. They are both looking strong and healthy and were to play in a golf tournament the following day. (FYI: they turn 70 and 80 next year).
We walked in the harbour and in the narrow streets in Skælskør, saw windmills in the fields, almost hit a pheasant, walked on the beach in Solrød Strand and had beautiful sunshine except for ½ day. We had prepared Geneviève for the “Danish” weather: rain and fog, windy and damp – prepare to dress in layers etc., etc… For a change it was nice to be made a liar.
I had ordered “Hestedækken” (wool fabric not available in Canada) from a small company in the old neighborhood where I grew up. It was nice to see how nicely they had restored “Rosa and Frode’s” old farm. The small farm where I grew up has also been beautifully restored and renovated. The new owner happened to be home when we passed by so we were all invited in for a look. The ceilings are still low and the old beams are still there. Some of the rooms have been combined, but the farm house atmosphere has not been destroyed. The restorations have been done with loving care. They have installed a new thatched roof and added three dormers, which look like they have always been there. In the old tractor shed that my father built with the “help” of my brother and I (we were maybe three and four years old) there is now a swimming pool and there is an exercise room where the outhouse and washing shed used to be.
One of the days, the three of us went to Copenhagen. Geneviève wanted to see the Little Mermaid and we wanted to take the boat to Malmö. Well… the Little Mermaid is still there and still as popular as ever, but the boat to Sweden - could not be found. So we walked to Christiania instead and had lunch there. Christiania is as it’s always been and a little scary for Geneviève. There are people dressed in strange clothing and many of them smoke “funny” cigarettes, but they are also very much for organically grown produce, fair trade imports, recycling and supporting local art of all kinds.
It was Geneviève’s first time in Denmark, and when you are with someone, who has never been to the country, you see many things with “new” eyes.
We noticed all the bicycles, in particular in Copenhagen and how people use them for transportation to and from work. It was amazing to see women in high heels, jacket and skirt on a bike. You don’t see many with plastic bags; everybody has a cloth shopping bag or a basket and most of the bikes also have a basket for shopping. There are more small cars on the road than large (cars) and there are bike paths everywhere and bikers stop at red lights and at stop signs! The bakery is open when you wake up and you can get freshly baked bread for breakfast. Anything that is supposed to be sweet – like yoghurt with fruit and sweetened cereal – is less sweet than in Canada. The streets are narrower and old houses have for the most part been restored and/or renovated. The gardens are prettiest where you spend the time and homes have their “back” to the street. Good design is for everybody and it’s everywhere.
Our train to Paris left from Copenhagen Thursday, April 5th and so we had to say goodbye to everyone. One of my sisters drove us to Copenhagen and helped us get our entire luggage on the right wagon. I had bought a Louis Poulsen lamp last time I was in Denmark (almost four years ago), but was not able to bring it with me then. Nicolas insisted that we bring it this time so we wrapped it in an old sheet and put it in one of Irma’s (the grocery store) shopping bags and off we went toward Paris…..
Find out if the LP lamp made it in one piece to Paris/Montreal in the next issue of The Messenger.
…..to be continued…
Anne Marie Jørgensen
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St. Ansgar's Lutheran Church - Montreal